Hello readers.
I know it’s been a while since i las tupdated here but life’s been one big bore after another, in other words, I’ve had absolutely nothing exciting to write about. LOL!
Happy solstice to you all! Summer is finally here, not sure why I’m so bloody excited about this, it’s hot and humid and I don’t like it. Tonight though we are supposed to get some nasty storms full of rain, wind and hail. Reports are we could see hurricane force winds. This for Minnesota is not normal. I read this and was like huh? Hurricane winds? What? Where do I live again? Oy, whatever I suppose. Anyway I hope whatever you are doing to celebrate this day is fun and filled with friends and parties, why parties? Because it’s summer time, finally!!
I’d like to wish all of the fathers out there and the mothers who are acting as both mother and father a very happy father’s day. May your special day be filled with great things and lots of love from your families.
It will be 7 years this November since i lost my father to cancer. There isnt’ a day that goes by that I don’t miss him very much. There are times I wish I could call him and tell him something new I did or what my new future plans are and I can’t anymore. He understood me, he was warm, caring and just an all around special man. He worked very hard all of his life to get to where he was. He was someone I definitely admired and I will always remember him the way he was.
I came across this while reading twitter and had to post it, it comes from @ThoughtCatalog and when I read it I had to post it, it is how I feel and this is my dedication to you all who don’t have a father to celebrate with on this day. Believe me, I know exactly how you are feeling, so while i’m not the one who wrote this, these are my sentiments to you.
http://www.thoughtcatalog.com
Begin Text not mine.
Hi.
I’m giving you a virtual hug or pizza or whatever is a comfort to you, even if it’s just a temporary one.
I know, just as you do, there is no quick fix to this feeling. I can’t string together the perfect collection of words to make it better or easier. If I could, I’d be doing it always. I’d be traveling the world helping grieving children feel a little less hollow. But I don’t. Frankly, I’m not sure such a thing even exists.
All I know to say is you aren’t alone, as isolated as you may feel. Someone else out there is missing a father. Someone else out there is hating this holiday because of what it does to you.
It reminds you.
These days have a way of sneaking up. The milestones. The holidays. The aching hole that, most days, you can convince yourself isn’t there. You’re okay, just strolling along, laughing at a GIF on Tumblr or texting your best friend about that weird thing someone said on Tinder. Everything is fine. It’s just another day.
Until it isn’t.
Until the calendar tells you.
Until Facebook shows you photos of everyone celebrating.
Until Instagram reminds you of your inability to take a new photo with him.
Until Father’s Day Groupon emails taunt you with great deals on gifts you don’t need.
These moments will find you at the most unexpected times. You were singing to some Jason Derulo song just seconds ago, really emphasizing the DERULOoOooO part, and then it’s here. And your throat tightens. Your tear ducts seem to say, “Hey! just letting you know I’m here and ready for action.”
Maybe you lost your father to death. Maybe you never knew your father to begin with. Maybe father has just never been part of your vocabulary. Whatever the reason this holiday hurts for you – I’m with you. And other people are too. The day will be over and you will continue on. That doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. It’s a fallacy to say time heals all wounds.
It doesn’t.
What it does is teach us how to move forward with scars. It teaches us how to hurt and continue surviving. Because there will be unbelievable moments of sorrow. But guess what? There will also be happiness. There will be memories or things that have you laughing, not crying.
But today sucks. And I can’t sugarcoat it.
But I’m with you.
And if you’re lucky enough to have a dad (whatever definition you choose), hug them. Tell them you love them. Because life is unpredictable and something as benign as a Groupon email with the headline “Perfect Gifts For Your Dad” might make you cry into your coffee cup.
Dad, it’s been 6 years and it still stings like I got the phone call yesterday. Thank you for providing me with some of the happiest moments of my life. As terrified as I am that I will forget the sound of your voice, I will never forget the comfort your presence granted me. You were safety and warmth. You were everything I hope and try to be. Thank you for showing me the true definition of fatherhood, love, and humanity. I love you.
End text not mine.
I wish I could tell my father that I’m going to go to guide dog school and that I’m going to be going to college, not in the fall like I first wanted but probably more like spring. I wish I could send him a copy of my new CD when I finally get finished with it and release it. We always did love to sing together. I will always remember our last vacation when we colored together and he colored a picture of a princess and told a story about how the princess was me and that I had met my prince but my brothers were really suspicious of him, so they questioned him about his intentions twoards me. My father said that i was his princess and that one day I would meet my prince. He taught me that day that the world if you make it so is a very colorful place. I remember telling him that things had to be just so and he said no, you can make things any color you want, and to prove this he made the princess many different colors. I thought it was quite silly at first but looking back now I realize that my father had a point. If you make things the same colors in life, things can be really boring. I have never forgotten that day and I never will.
I miss you dad, I wish that you could be here with me, I know you can’t so I will keep you in my heart. One day we will see each other again and it will be a happy day. Until then, keep Jim company for me too would you? I love you.
Well that’s it for nwo, I’ll write again soon.
Lily