Quote of the Day:
“Stay positive even when it feels like your whole world is falling apart.” — Unknown
Dumb but amusing joke:
Q: What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A: You’re too young to smoke.
Mood: I don’t know.
Music: Cry by Faith Hill
Location: The Fox Den
Greetings Humans.
Have you ever had a day where all you feel like doing is crying with no reason as to why you want to? You have no idea why, but you can’t seem to get your traitor tears under control, today this is me. Actually, this has been me for the past couple of days. So, I suppose I could say that I have L.E.S. (Leaky eye syndrome). That’s what Kaylie says when she’s crying, she says she has leaky eyes so now I’m calling it leaky eye syndrome. The internet calls it epiphora.
Begin definition:
Watering eye, also known as epiphora or tearing, is a condition in which there is an overflow of tears onto the face, often without a clear explanation. Epiphora happens when there is either an overproduction of tears or insufficient tear film drainage from the eye or eyes.
End definition.
I realize the definition doesn’t match what I’m meaning but I’m still calling it L.E.S., I wish I knew what was wrong with me, but I don’t. I have bursts of tears falling and then I’m alright but the moment someone asks me how I’m doing they come crashing around me again. Traitor tears. I called my therapist and we’re going to have a session today so hopefully I’ll feel better after talking to her, I usually do. I don’t see as often as I used to as she told me I don’t need her much anymore, but she says that I can always call if I need to, so I did. My thoughts have become too much for me to manage on my own I suppose, you think you’re okay, but life has a way of proving that you aren’t.
I’m sorry that I haven’t been so positive in the past few days. I try to continue to be, but I haven’t been able to keep it up. I sort of feel like it’s what people expect of me so when I can’t be I feel like I’m letting everyone down. It’s like I’m supposed to be this happy go lucky girl all of the time and I just can’t be, my feelings just don’t’ allow it so I try to stay away from twitter and other social media platforms, so I don’t let you all down. So, what I’m saying is, I’m so sorry if I have been negative and haven’t felt so grate lately. I’m working on getting back to my overly cheerful self and hopefully I’ll be there again soon. Thanks for understanding. I know I’m not expected to be cheerful all the time, I just feel that way because of some comments I have gotten from certain people that are around me.
I get to meet with my job coach today so I’m pretty excited about that. I’m hoping that we will find something for me to do as a second job. More applications will have to be filled out and sent back to the businesses and I’m ready for it, one of them will hopefully like my resume and call me in for an interview.
Other than that, I’m pretty much going to be a home body as the weather isn’t playing nice. Heat and humidity make it hard to want to go outdoors. We’re supposed to have temps in the high nineties with heat indices in the low 100s, I’m so not down with this at all.
Tonight, severe thunderstorms are in the forecast, I wouldn’t be surprised if we end up in a severe thunderstorm watch before too long. Mayhap they will bring cooler temperatures and lower dew points. One can only hope.
That was written this morning.
Time: 8:05 PM.
It’s now evening here, and I’ve got an update for the day.
I spoke with my therapist like I said I was going to do, and she did help me a bit. At least I don’t feel like bursting into tears over every little thing. We have a few plans in the works now so I feel so much better than I did. I’m still feeling a bit out of sorts, but I think I’m going to be just fine now.
I did meet with my job coach, and she’s got a couple of things she’s looking into, she’s going on vacation next week, so I won’t hear from her until the week after. For my part I’m going to try and search for jobs on my own still using Indeed like always. I’m thinking between the two of us we will come up with something I can do.
See? I’m feeling more positive than I was earlier which is a very good thing.
I’m going to start recording again.
There are so many songs I want to do vocals for and I’m excited about singing again. There are two songs by an artist called Melanie Martinez, one is titled Dollhouse, and the other is called Soap. I absolutely adore these two songs, Dollhouse is kind of creepy sounding and I think that’s one of the reasons I like it so much. That song is pretty much my childhood theme song. Everyone thought we were this perfect family, but they never knew what went on behind closed doors and heaven forbid if anyone ever found out. I have a few more songs saved that I’d like to cover as well so I’m definitely chomping at the bit to get back at it.
Well, I’m going to say goodnight for now as I’m getting tired, and I still haven’t eaten my dinner. Wishing you all a wonderful rest of the evening and a restful night.
I’ll try and write again soon.