10:00 AM 1/20/2014
I finally allowed the tears to fall. Tears that I had tried to hold back because I kept trying to convince myself that you weren’t worth them. I tried to tell myself that I was just fine and that it didn’t matter that you had done what you did. We were not together anymore so why should it matter, right? Oh yes, I know, I know everything. I was sad and hurt at first after we had decided what we had decided, but then after I found out what you had done and everything you you did it all turned into anger. So my tears were tears of anger, not tears of sadness or because I was in pain. I don’t think you will ever understand how I felt after I found out. I could never have done something like that to you, especially after you told me how much you loved me and cared for me. I truly doubt now that you meant everything you had told me. I mean if you had waited a month, 2 months it wouldn’t have hurt so bad but not even 48 hours after? Come on! I have been a mess ever since i was told of what you had done. I suppose this is why I have bene a bit distant with you. There are times now that I feel that maybe i’m not relationship material and that I’ll end up single for the rest of my natural born life. Maybe that would be for the best. No chance of me hurting anyone and no chance for my heart to get shattered again. Who knows. I may not have bene everything you wanted/needed but I did love you, that I still can do, love. Anymore love I may have felt for you is totally gone. I may still be able to be friends but I’ll never forget what you did, how my feelings were shattered into a million little shards after I learned what happened between you and her. I wasn’t going to write about this at all but it’s one of the only ways for me to get my feelings out. Writing’s my therapy. I was afraid that if I spoke to you in voice, my anger would come out too much and I might have said something I may have regreted later. I did not use names in this portion of my entry, I don’t have to because you know who you are if in fact you read this at all. I’ll be around if you want/find the need to talk. Please, if we do talk about it, don’t say anything just to placate me because I’m not that stupid. I’m not one who can be placated. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine too but I do ask that I be given time, time to think and reflect. You have to admit how bad that looks even if it wasn’t your intent.
3:48 PM 1/20/2014
It was the Patriots VS the Broncos, Seattle VS the 49ers. I wanted to see the Patriots go to the Super Bowl but it was not to be. They were beat by the Broncos 26/16. They just couldn’t get it together enough to win it this year. Oh well, there’s always next year. As for who I wanted to win between Seattle and the 49ers? I wasn’t sure who I wanted to win. Seattle won it and so now it’s the Broncos and Seattle at the Super Bowl. I’m going to cheer on the Broncos. There will be a Super Bowl party at my house. Just because my New Years party ended up being a flop doesn’t mean my Super Bowl party will be. It could be fun. I am a bit disappointed that I won’t have the Patriots to cheer on though. :D. I asked Flint if he’d like to come to the party and he laughed at me because he hates sports all together. I told him, “I know you don’t like football but you can just come for the food and company.” Not sure if he’ll join me or not but we’ll see.
1:50 PM 1/21/2014
Another day, another dollar. Yep, I’m at work currently as I was yesterday when I started writing this. i’m beginning to wonder if I’ll finish it anytime soon. :D. Anyhow, my job’s still fun, still love it at Land To Air. Not a lot to report from that part of my life. I work four days aweek now, three out of the for are from 8:00 to 5:00 PM. One of my favorite drivers retired this past weekend. The cool thing is, he’s still around because Jason will have him doing small things around the office such as errands and things of that nature and not driving the shuttles any longer. He was done with that part of his job. Personally, I’m glad he will still be around because he’s really nice and funny too. He once laughed at me when I called him a dirty old man. LOL!
I am emotionally, physically and mentally tired. I really need another vacation. Maybe I’ll go visit Michigan or Texas or Mass or ND. Hey, it could be fun. IL would be fun as well. So many places I know people. :P. As long as I’m welcome, I’d love to go see friends and family.
I’m tired of the winter season already, hopefully spring will be here soon. Our weather person, Mark Tarello has this to say, “WARM WEATHER LOVERS: It’s 56 days until the official start of Spring!” I hope he’s right, I can’t wait for one of my absolute most favorite season to return. I miss the birds, the warmer weather, the spring air and it’s scents. I sooo can’t wait! I have two new pairs of shoes I can’t wear because it’s winter and they would not do well in the snow. One pair is a black pair that is kind of like a shoe/boot. that’s the best way to describe it. The other is a pair of white tennis shoes but are really cool, made by Airwalk, these shoes are going to be sooo comfortable. I love my Airwalks! I’m not really into brand name clothes/shoes but I do have a thing for Airwalks. I guess it’s because of the funky colors they come in at times. LOL! Right now I have like 6 pairs of Airwalks, all different looking. What can I say, I’m just a different type of woman.
11:27 AM 1/23/2014
Yesterday I went in search of a new winter coat. I didn’t find one which sucks but nothing to be done for it. Everyone seems to be low on winter supplies. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I hadn’t gone from Mankato to Minneapolis. I decided that because we had made the trip all that way I’d look for new jeans and some new shirts. I found both jeans and shirts so I was all excited about that. I got one pair of black jeans and a pair of dark blue. I found two hoodies, one purple and one sky blue. The I got a red fleese shirt. Let’s see, I got a black sweater that is really really super soft and warm. I got another shirt that is a plum collor and it’s soft and warm as well. The last thing I found was a new sleep shirt wich is red. While shopping, I felt like a doll and someone was playing dress up with me. I kept getting passed clothes and the person saying, here, try this on. Thank you Deborah. LOL! Trish went with us and she said she had fun, I hope she really did. She ended up buying some bracelets and I thought she said a necklace. I’m not 100 percent sure about the necklace but I thought she said that was one of the things she had gotten. On the way there we stopped at Holiday so Deborah coudle get gas and I got some breakfast. We then went to Mcdonalds drive through so that Trish could get her breakfast. Deborah said she should have gotten breakfast at Holiday but Trish wasn’t interested. Had I known we were going to end up at McDonalds, I’d have gone there too. LOL! Like I said, fun day yesterday. Oh and everything I bought was on clearance, so that was awesome. I didn’t buy anything I didn’t need, what I got I needed.
Cassie and I are looking to get a town house together. There are things going on at our current location that we don’t agree with and the gossip is horrible. Way too much he said/she said stuff for our liking. It will be fun! Cassie and I get along well and we know that we both can afford to go halves on rent and bills. I’ll be looking, that is unless I move to Ireland like i’ve been asked if I like to do. That would be ok too, it would be a new start, new beginnings. I’m still weighing my options though. I have a lot to consider when making this huge decision.
Well, I don’t have too much more to say so going to go ahead and end this and post it. I’ll write again at some point in time.
This entry was meant in no way to anger, upset, hurt, piss off, annoy, or any other emotion you can think of. Just sayin.
<3<3<3Always<3<3<3
Lily